OVER THE SHOULDERS
by Birgit Pestal – about the difficulties of tuning higher overtones
Two elderly men are sitting in a theatre box, quite close to the stage. They are continuosly interrupting the performance with their comments.
A waiter is entering the box.
Waiter: Excuse me Sirs, we are afraid that the performers cannot continue their show under these circumstances.
Waldorf: What? I paid very much for this ticket.
Statler: We insist that they continue their play.
Waldorf: Not that it was any good so far (sniggers)
Waiter: Your comments are too loud. You must understand that your box is very close to the stage.
Waldorf: Alright! Less volume from us.
Statler (whispering) : but more comments in fact (sniggers)
Waiter exits. The play continues on stage.
Waldorf (whispering): the tune now reminds me of some good old fashioned folk music
Statler (whispering): Yes. but it is nothing I like to remember.
Both snigger
Waldorf moves his chair closer to Statler.
(chair moving sounds)
Waldorf (whispers): I think they wanted to make a statement on stage just right there. Did you get it?
Statler: What?
Waldorf: Yeah, You are right, forget it.
Statler moves his chair closer to Waldorf.
(chair moving sounds)
Statler (whispering): I must say that was somehow good comedy!
Waldorf (giggling): Yes, they have to take care, otherwise they will lose their bad reputation.
Both giggle
Waiter enters the box.
Waiter: Sirs, your chair moving sounds interrupt the performers concentration.
Waldorf: Well, they seemingly dont get any better when we are silent.
Waldorf and Statler: hehehehe.
Statler: (waving with empty glasses) If you are here already, we would like to have more juice please .
Waldorf: Yes, it seems we are all running dry here.
Statler: hehehe.
Waiter leaves and comes back with juice.
Statler: This show is so bad, I want to throw a lifesaving ring at the stage.
Waldorf: There is nothing to rescue , am afraid.
Both: hehehe.
Waiter: I see you are entertaining yourselves nicely. But are you actually here to be entertained or not?
Waldorf: Exactly. We are here to be entertained, but we are not.
Waiter leaves the box.
Statler: hehehe.
Statler is sneezing.
Statler: Oh excuse me.
Waldorf: Well, at least there is some excitement today in this theatre.
Waldorf is moving his chair away from Statlers.
(chair moving sounds)
Waldorf: Bless you!
Statler: What?
Statler is fumbling with his hearing device.
Waldorf: Never mind. I don’t want to get infected by you
Statler: You don’t want to… what??
Now Waldorf is also fumbling with his hearing device
Waldorf (screams): Never mind!
The performance on stage stops for a moment, then continues.
Statler (whispering/mansplaining): you need to put the battery so the plus is at the plus sign.
Waldorf is moving further away from Statler with his chair fumbling with the device.
(chair moving sounds)
Statler is sneezing again, surprising Waldorf, whose hearing device falls over the railing and lands in the orchestra.
Harpist (picking it up): What kind of feedback is that?
Violinist (looking at Statler and Waldorf): Come down here and make it better!
Statler: Well, we can’t make it worse!
Waldorf: hehehe.
Waiter is entering the lodge, handing the hearing device to Waldorf.
Waldorf: Thank you so much, but it will not really help.
Statler is tipping the waiter with a handful of coins.
Statler: you seem like a nice guy, you should find yourself a better job.
Waiter is vanishing without comment.
Waiter is returning
Waiter: the orchestra asks me to ask you if everything is alright here. They are about to enter the great finale of the show and they want to make sure they will be 100% uninterrupted by you.
Therefore they want you to check if your chairs are in the right position to each other, if the amount of juice in your glasses is ok and if your hearing devices are somehow in a safe place.
Both: nodding. Waiter exits.
Statler: What did he say?
Waldorf: Just stay where you are!
Statler: Otherwise what ?
Waldorf: Otherwise the security will throw you out.
Statler: I thought the security is all busy keeping the audience IN the room.
Both: hehehehehehe.
The performance is about to finish with a great finale. The orchestra is rising, all the performers are on stage.
Waldorf and Statler stand up and applaud.
Statler: Well that was something different today.
Waldorf: Terrible. But different, yes!
Statler: Should we say good night now?
Waldorf: What else, Good show??
Both snigger.
-.-
See also:
- Panfiction Shortstories (Part I): THE TUNER AND THE RUNAWAY HARMONICS
- Overview: “Panfiction”